Connection is a Whom
People often ask: “what does it mean to connect,” or even “what is connection?”
Connection is a whom, it seems to me, especially when you are seeking connections that overcome loneliness.
No better post on AI explains the struggle better, in my opinion, than LoGun’s Overcoming Loneliness- 101 post. Here: www.attractioninstitute.org/overcoming-loneliness-101
To say that “connection is a whom” helps to demystify “connection.” Its not this magical thing some people can achieve and others cannot, like having some kind of natural talent. It is about people, pure and simply. It is a “whom,” and always will be a “whom.” I like thinking about connection like this because it helps remind me that feeling connection or feeling loneliness is all about me. It is within my power to feel at all times.
Yet, something always seems to bother me. I can’t help but feel that unless that other person is willing to open up, a “real” connection does not seem possible. What do I mean by “real?” Maybe something like feeling a “spontaneous,” or “natural,” or “unforced,” or maybe a “flow” type connecting moment with another. That’s how I identify a “real” connection, at any rate.
Recently, I had a conversation with a neighbor. She is a cute girl who lives upstairs with her boyfriend (possibly husband). She comes out of her apartment to smoke on occasion. We have pleasant chats. I know that I cannot date her, despite being quite attracted to her. But, I can have good conversation. We talked about the city, its food, and new restaurants. She shared about her struggles in her graduate program and I shared my own struggles. I joke with her. She’s laughs. We talking about what it feels like to cook a good meal. But, it is all very very pleasant. There is flow, there is spontaneity. I usually leave our chats feeling good, but certainly not a deep sense of connection. The last time we chatted, she says: “It’s always so nice talking to you.”
She has opened up, and I have opened up. There is a sense of connection. But yet, I do not feel a deep connection. Why?
Well, I’ve begun a new journey to work this out. Stay tuned…
