An Anecdote

Alright, so I went out recently.

I really wanted to challenge myself to be open and honest with women, especially if I find any particular girl attractive in some way.  That was my goal for the evening.

Here’s the story.

I went out with some friends.  We hit a bar.  There was a live cover band.  It was great.  I was feeling great.  There was a 60+ year old woman, smoking a pipe, and dancing to Micheal Jackson’s “Beat It.”  It was hilarious, and yet I had so much respect for her.  She simply gave no fuck! It was beautiful.

I felt inside that I wanted to dance with her, just because she deserved it, you know? But, I stayed in my seat.  I held myself back.  Not so much because I feared judgment or embarrassment, but I’m not exactly sure why at this point.  But, my buddy, he knew exactly what to do! He jumped right up and did what I could only think about doing! I was proud of him and glad he did it.  It’s great to have good company around you.

As the night went on, I noticed a group of 3 girls.  All three were cute, and one was more my style physically than the other two.  I had talked to one of the girls earlier in passing as I asked her if the open seats next to her were available for the taking.

The three girls would look over on occasion, nothing too inviting.  But, they would look over a bit.  I took an opportunity to push through my feelings of unreadiness and go and talk to them.

I nudged over to them and said: “I’m going to sit here and talk to you for a bit.  I like meeting new people, especially pretty girls.”  I literally told them what I was going to do and what I wanted.  “So, tell me about yourselves!”  I laughed.  All but one was not very amused.

In that moment, I started thinking about “what to say next.”  I had not received the response I had hoped for and was immediately lost in my head.  The one girl that was amused (of course, it was not the girl I was  physically attracted to), opened up about her summer.  This gave me a safe line of conversation and I found myself stuck in “information sharing” type connection.  It was pleasant, but not really what I wanted my night to be about.  So, I tried to turn the conversation into something more sexual.  (why sexual? I’m not sure, it’s just what I felt in the moment).

See, her friends had all left shortly after I arrived. …I must have crept them out, lol. So I told her so.  “I think I crept out your friends.”  I continued, “I wonder if they think that I was looking to get something from them, perhaps “hit on them?”  She Laughs.  I continue, “See, you must be a upperclassmen student because you are still here speaking to me.  The younger students don’t really know what to do when a guy is not here to simply get something from them. I literally just want to meet people and see if I like them.”  She said, I was correct.  The other girls were younger.

I continued…

“It’s like sex.  The younger you are, the quicker it seems to be.  It’s like younger girls are more able to make sense of the guy who simply is looking for a quick hook up for the night. ‘Entertain me now.’  Me, on the other hand, well, I’m working and learning how to take my time to learn about someone first.  I want to see if I can connect with a girl, well before she gets to see my goodies! Good sex, takes time.”

She laughs and we actually, at one point say at the same time: “Do it right.”  (We were talking about taking your time, showing attention, and connecting in sex).  We had a high-five, and that was it.  The conversation after that moment, turned stale.

The girl was cool.  I learned that she traveled to Europe and wants to work in community health one day.  But, I did not feel a sense of connection beyond the superficial. Moreover, the other girls, the one that I had much more physical desire for, were no where to be found.  And, when she did return, she took every effort to avoid engaging me in conversation.

Seeing this as a challenge, I simply called out her name.  As she responds, I simply smile and say “hi.”  I had no other purpose but to express to her, that I’m not there to get anything.

The conversation ended with me simply saying, “it was great chatting with you.  Take care.”

So, what did I learn from this?

I learned that I have no control over the responses of others, even if I might be feeling like I am completely self-amused.  In fact, if I were completely self-amused, I may have not lost myself in my head but rather rolled with the moment and continued to have fun.

And, well, thinking back.  That is what happen.  After that conversation, I just returned to the good vibe of the night and felt a good sense of accomplishment.  After all, I did challenge myself to approach these girls, though I did not feel ready.  In fact, when the bar closed, I felt, for the first time in a long long time, a sense of energy in my body at 2:30am.  It has been many years sense I felt that.  I was literally feeling all kinds of power and energy knowing that I pushed through and approached those girls, even if it did not go as I had desired.