Public Dancing With A Playboy Model

I am just arriving from a night out.   Tonight I did something I never thought I would have a chance to do much less make the MOST of.  I went out with an ex.  Well, to be honest, I was out, but she was there too.  This was THE ex, the one I have often spoke about as being the one girl that started me on my AI journey.

Being with her was frustrating.  I doubted my abilities to be enough for her.  I doubted my place in dating such a cool girl.  I simply doubted.  I cared for this girl.  But I would sit there and watch as she dated wrong guy after wrong guy after wrong guy. The classic “nice guy” situation, even though I was “with her.”

As I’ve gone through the AI journey, I’ve grown and developed into an amazing sense of confidence, and most importantly, acceptance.  I accept myself.  In fact, I even celebrate myself.  I’m the shit.

Well, tonight was an incredible night.  For one reason.  I found something out about myself: I’m fearless.

The EX was dancing predictably on the stage at the bar.  It was just her.  The MC for the night was beside himself.  She was up there all sexy and seductive, loving every minute of the attention of the crowd.  The bar? Packed.  The stage? One girl, fishnet thigh highs, high heels, short skirt, bra top, flashing raver light up ears, and the most incredible blonde hair.  Her body? Tight, fluid, in motion.  The MC? Lost.  Confused, as she would crawl between his legs seductively on her knees.  The club? Transfixed on this girl, this incredibly “one of America’s hottest girls,” playboy playmate, and local queen of all sort of envious rumors danced her seductive mojo on stage. It was so brilliant, so beautiful, as she soaked up the attention…

She was up there and EVERY FIBER IN MY BODY WAS SCREAMING: GO UP THERE!

DANCE WITH HER, SAVE HER FROM THIS MC WHO HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH HER!

GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS! ATTENTION!

So…with no thought what so ever…I JUMP ON STAGE!

It’s me.  It’s her. Its dubstep.  It’s music.

Its her eyes.  It’s my eyes.  It’s hundred of eyes looking up at us.

It’s me, watching her.  Approaching her.   My body in step with the rhythms of music.  It’s her, bent over.  It’s me up against her.

It’s me stepping back as I point to her, making sure everyone knows that in this small seductive play of cat and mouse on this stage, she was the prize. It’s me fluid with the music.  It’s her with her own rhythms.  It’s cat.  It’s mouse.  Predator.  Prey.  It’s seduction on stage.

MY body presses against hers.  I with my hand from her lips, moving down her exposed chest, stomach, and lower.  On my knees, she straddles my head as she moves past me, over me.  .

THE PLAY! THE PLAY! THE PLAY!

The song ends.  I hug her, kiss her and jump off stage.

I think some one got a video of that.  Man, I hope someone got a video of that.

Gentlemen, I have NO FUCKING CLUE what just happened tonight, but if I had to guess.

I was THAT GUY.  I GAVE NO FUCK! I GAVE NO FUCK! I DID WHAT I WANTED!

There is NO FUCKING WAY I WOULD EVER EVER DO THAT IN MY LIFETIME.

I did it, doing what I WANT. Over the past year the constant effort to do what I want, to give myself the experience of the world that I want, to not give a shit what others might say or think, I did what I wanted.

It it was fucking fulfilling as hell!

We went to an after hours location.  She went home with some other people.  I left and wished her a great night.  Was I sad she did not come home with me? Just for a bit, until I realized that she MUST MUST MUST do her.  She can make all the decisions she must.  This girl lives life turned up to 11.  I’m just thankful for having her in my life and for tonight’s great, great experience.

What MORE could I want?  I have everything I want and she, tonight, was just a part of that!  I, in that moment, gave her and I guess anyone else interested, 100% of who I am.  I literally threw myself out there saying in effect: THIS IS ME.   If she did not want more of my fucking brilliance for that night, that’s on her. And it’s all good! As I’ve written recently, she is perhaps not able to accept my gifts or at a place in her life where she wants to accept my gifts. Either way, I’m still her biggest fan and care for her.

All in all, it was a fucking brilliant night and my time with her over the past few days could not have been more incredible, for me.  Big time gratitude for arriving at a point that I’ve always wanted to arrive at since my first Get Real skype call.

JUST FUCKING INCREDIBLE!