Rejected: It’s Them
…When I wrote up my “One Perfect Day” over a year ago, I was certain to put in there at least 2 or 3 “rejections.” At the time of taking Get Real, I was unable to really understand the disappointment of being rejected, of being told “I like you but not in that way, not anymore.” My mind would instantly race to how much I lacked in my life: good looks, charm, confidence, money, muscles, you name it. I would then sit in my apartment feeling lonely, down, and like I just wanted to end it all. I had failed at life, at being a man. 30 years of living and I sat there, in the dark, miserable and without any clue what to do or how I could ever change the life I’ve been given.
I just knew that I was ugly, uncharming, uninspiring, etc…I felt deep in my bones that IT WAS ME, NOT THEM.
Sad times.
One of the ways I can tell if I’m living up to the best of who I am is to observe my emotional reactions to challenges in my life. So, as I wrote up that One Perfect Day, I knew that being able to handle rejection without falling deep, deep into a dark stupor was important place of development.
I’m thankful to say that I was just “rejected” by an extremely beautiful and powerful girl. For this particular girl (and maybe for others) it took a lot of courage to tell me “no,” particularly because I’m not a dick and we connect at some really deep levels, as we both share a passion for self-improvement. She told me that she worried about this “rejection” because she thought that would mean I would not be able to be her friend, and, to be honest in the past when I had more “needy” pathways, she would be right.
In her rejection of my offer, I felt sad. For a brief second I wondered how we could connect on deeper levels and how I could be completely open and honest and still not be “attractive.” I felt a small sense of that old self-doubt, especially because she is very smart, self-aware, and just plain sexy. But all that lasted a few seconds, then I could see just how much better she felt having cleared the air. I like to think that she was able to do that because I DO NOT need her. I want her. But need? Nope. And here is the difference: If I needed her for something, I would try and prove to her that I’m worth giving a chance. On the other hand, because all I want is to experience her, then I already have what I want by virtue of the fact that she is there RIGHT NOW with me. What I find attractive about her is HER. I know what feelings I’m seeking and what experience I want and just being around her is enough.
So I got rejected, whatever that means! I’m winning by simply continuing to just experience her, especially because right now my current “truth” is simply to connect with women, giving them the opportunity to just speak freely and be self-expressive. And this means being free to say: “I’m not in to you in that way.”
And I learned something about women in the process of this rejection. They do not want to be the “bad guy.” Most, I’d like to think, do not get off on rejecting a guy, telling him “you cannot have this.” This girl who rejected me recently actually felt very hesitant to do so. She did not want me to simply “be done” with her because I knew I could not have anything romantic with her. When she told me this, I felt sad for her. I felt sad that she cannot simply be freely expressive around guys because so many times in her life guys have always needed something from her. Do I want something from her? No. I want an experience with her. As I told her, “There are two things I know: I’m attracted to you and I enjoy talking with you. It would be great to add dinner to that.” She said no to my offer. She explained: “dinner can go two ways: towards a friendship or towards a romance.” To which I responded: “I’m not talking about any of that, simply enjoying your company with food. Am I open to something more? Hell yeah! But do I NEED more from you? No.” She did not know what to “do” with that. It’s just not that common, I guess…maybe it should be.
I can tell you it did not feel good to know that sexual attraction is no longer there. In fact, it sucks. But I have been here before, the biggest difference this time is just like in my One Perfect Day, I did not let that moment sabotage what went on to be a fun evening with friends. In fact, the first person I spoke to after all of that was yet another beautiful and amazing girl (friend). We had a great conversation and it was a pleasure to speak with her as always. I went on to have a girl saddle up next to me in the bar who bought me a drink (another Hooter’s Girl…I’m pretty much a magnet for them). She was engaged, but still a fun girl.
I used to understand how I could cut women out of my life when they were not “in” to me. It used to make sense. But, it no longer does. If my truth right now is to build connections with beautiful women, allowing them to be self-expressive, then that includes allowing them to express how they feel when they experience me as I stand there saying: This is who I am. They can take it or leave it, then can grab it or push it away, they can chase me or move on, they can love me or hate me…and on and on. But this is who I am…it’s a very free feeling.
No joke, though, it’s tough to be rejected, especially when you are simply being there vulnerable, open, honest.
But, and here is the thing:
When I live this way, I can really and honestly know and feel that when I get rejected, IT’S NOT ME, IT’S THEM.
It’s not me, it’s them…wow, talk about feeling thankful for this AI journey