What is Ownership?
Often clients come to me already feeling like they have taken ownership for their struggles. They say:
“I already know that I am the problem because I think negatively.”
“I know its all my fault because I’m just not smart.”
“I know it’s because I lack confidence.”
“I know that I can’t meet people because I am boring.”
This is NOT ownership.
Self blame is not the same as taking ownership for what you have contributed in creating your negative experience of life.
Blaming is the process of assigning responsibility to something.
It is a process of pointing at something and saying: “I do this because of…”
Ownership is not about assigning blame. It is the opposite of it!
Ownership is about accepting responsibility for the things within your control to change.
And there are but three things you can own in every situation: your inner intention/focus, your actions, and your effort.
Only you can own what you think, know, do, have, or say. Your actions and decisions are always yours.
Nothing “causes” you to do anything.
Ownership is also about becoming more mindful of what is not within your power to control.
Some clients have a hard time taking ownership for bad things that other people may have done to them.
That is fine because you have no control over other people’s actions
Ownership is not about assuming responsibility for the actions of other people.
Some clients have the opposite problem. They take too much responsibility for their inner sensations.
Like other peoples actions, the inner feelings and sensations we have are also not of our own creation, not in our control. Go ahead, right now, try to feel excited.
Just where exactly do you pull the lever that releases dopamine or serotonin?
These things kinda just happen, even though we can to some degree influence the likelihood of their occurring through doing things like eating chocolate cake, having sex, or practicing meditation.
And yet, we did not create nor can we claim ownership for the bio-physiological processes within us anymore than we can claim to control our breathing once we stop from holding it, the good feelings once sex has ended, and the comfort of chocolate cake once it has been digested.
Ownership is not about assuming responsibility for the sensations you feel inside.
When you can stop blaming external factors (or things you have no control over) for why your life is the way it is, you can start recognizing what specific actions, intentions, decisions, and ways of being within your control you can start changing.
Before you can begin transforming your lifestyle you must become a part of the problem, meaning you must clearly accept responsibility for the specific things you contribute to the life you create.
Only then can you become part of the solution.
Ready to own your situation? Let’s get started…