Facing Confrontation

So I’ve been really thinking a lot about acting even when feeling “not ready.”  Here’s one thing that might come of taking action when you just don’t feel ready.

Ok…so I decided to go out despite not “feeling” up to it. My purpose for the night was to simply have fun, to be open, to be light.

See, I tend to be a no bullshit kind of guy. I’ve always struggled with small talk. I prefer to hear about people’s passions, their struggles. Of course, people are not really accustomed to those types of conversations. I’m often seen as the “deep” guy, or the “heavy” guy. Of course, lately, after GetReal I’ve been more open and expressive and less heavy in my interactions. Yet, I’m still me and the underlying philosophy of AI seems to favor the types of conversations and connections I tend to enjoy. Deep connections. But, let’s face it. In the initial meetings, “fun” rules. Well, it seems to here on a college campus. These amazingly beautiful women just want to have fun. I’m so fucking drawn to that spirit. I LOVE these girls, the girls who want to have fun. It’s something that (if we follow Leigh’s recent theory of attraction), that I feel I “lack.” The ability to just have fun.

Well, tonight I went out and just had fun. For the first time since being here at this university, I actually just let go and had fun. I was not once in my head. I was not once attempting to present and image of myself, or impress. I was just open and free.

We ended up at a bar on campus that has a rocking dance floor. Did I dance? No. But, I was still in the thick of things. In the past, I might have felt self-conscious about not dancing. In stead, this time, I did not feel any self-consciousness. I was simply enjoying the vibe. I stood there around and in the dance floor putting together half steps of a groove, perhaps hinting at much more beneath the surface. I just took it all in. And, once again, I was amazed at just how much partner swapping goes on, mostly initiated by the girls. They just jump from guy to guy. It’s really funny. You can see a guy get all excited because a girl comes up to him and just starts grinding on him, then moments later she just leaves him there…leaving him to wonder what just happened…the guys usually just walk away with a dumbfounded look. The fickle dance floor of this campus town is something to behold.

Well, here comes the point of this report. Part of my challenge was to place myself in situations that make me nervous or even vulnerable, to face confrontation.  The purpose is to follow my desires, my purpose, wherever it may take me. Well, tonight, as I stood by the dance floor I noticed a girl dancing. She was cute, very cute. I was simply watching her dance when I saw this guy bump in to her. She had spunk! She pushed back. He, again bumped in to her. This time she unloaded a series of elbows on him But, he was un-phased by the onslaught of her tiny elbows. See, we was all bumping and grinding with a girl and was completely oblivious to the havoc he was creating for this beautiful and cute girl.

I got a pissed. If we are genuinely attracted to that which we lack, that which we hope to be, then I was moved to act to help this spunky girl enjoy her night. It was my purpose.  I have never, never, ever, been in a fight. Ever. Crazy, isn’t it? Somehow I have managed to not get in any brawls. I felt that the right thing to do was to get between this guy and this poor girl, creating a wall that allows her (and her friends) to dance. I want her to keep being who she is…to be that free, cute, spunky girl I have observed through out the night. She was having such a good time with her friends, then this ass was going to encroach on her fun? Not on my watch. So, I simply stood between her and the clumsy dancing guy. I could feel him bumping up against me. He seemed surprised that he now felt a more unmovable object. I lightly push back. And tell him, “hey, watch yourself there a girl dancing here.” HE continues to bump me. I tell him once more, “Yo, man, we are dancing here.” I hold my ground (a role I am thankful for understanding by my best buddy). The guy begins to slowly move away and the girls continued to enjoy their night.

I have NEVER EVER EVER EVER sought confrontation so willingly. EVER. My whole life, I’ve never once sought out such a physical confrontation. But, she was just so damn cute and free…she was having a great night. Who is this fucker to ruin it?

The night ends. I introduce myself to the girl I “saved” from the bumps. By this time her and her friends had noticed what I had done. They all thanked me. I did it because it was the right thing to do, pure and simply. I wanted nothing in return.

Oh…and here is the most ironic thing….the girl’s name that inspired such “protection” from me? Well, I won’t say.  It was ironic and funny, though.  Because she had the same name of a girl who, after experiencing her, I began to truly understand and recognize that if I want amazing, honest, and beautiful women in my life, then I have to get my inner game right. And the rest is a continuing developing history…

What a great night that began even though I was “not ready.”