Frames of Desire

I have desires.  I’m swimming in them, actually.  How I understand these desires and their potential fulfillment makes all the difference in the world. Lately, I’ve been struggling with feelings of loneliness.

…In my efforts to get to the core of my desires and how they are influencing my feelings of loneliness, I realized something:

I’M EMBARKING ON A PATH OF SELF-TRANSFORMATION BECAUSE I WANT TO BE FREE FROM MY DESIRE OF WOMEN.

How fucked up is this? I blame women for my feelings of powerlessness and loneliness and thus, the only way to be “FREE FROM” them is to build a life where I am able to feel power and connection without them.

But is that the life I really want? Do I want a life without a desire for women? I’m deeply entrenched in seeking FREEDOM FROM desires for hot women. I am, in short, so unashamedly external in my focus, looking to women to provide me a sense of freedom from loneliness that all I want is to be free from this “burden”.

So how to get out of this? How can I accept my desires for women but not at the same time make them responsible for my happiness?

Well, what I do know is that “freedom from” comes only through “freedom to.” By taking actions towards the life you want (i.e., exercising your “freedom-to”) you magically gain a sense of freedom from.  But from what actions can I derive a feeling of connection that has attractive, sexual, and deep tones to it? That is, from what actions can I feel that magical connection that occurs when a woman that I desire and myself are connecting deeply, openly expressively? How can I feel this feeling without actually connecting with women I desire?

…and then it hit me: I’M EMBARKING ON A PATH OF SELF-TRANSFORMATION BECAUSE I WANT TO BE FREE TO CONNECT DEEPLY WITH THE WOMEN I DESIRE.

The women I desire, the woman of my dreams, value a man who is openly expressive and free in every part of his life. He give 100% effort to every task and project. He is comfortable in himself and connects openly in all his relationships, not just women he desires.

The pathway towards having the women I desire in my life runs through my life in every aspect. I am never ready to begin talking to women I desire because I have already begun. Thus, the loneliness that may come along with my desires for women can only be responded to by actually connecting with these women. They are, in that moment, after all, a part of my life and the life I want.

My life is absolutely incredible!