Listening For Desires: An Update

As I continue to push my own boundaries in learning how to listen to others, Here is a report from Thursday.

Thursday.

Today I was attempting to continue practicing “listening through,” to listen to and perhaps connect to others’ emotions.  But, this time, I would try to go deeper by listening through to the core desires people have.  This is difficult.  Not because  I could not hear, but because there seems to be a major issue of “articulacy.”  I’m not at all convinced that a vast majority of people have command over language enough to be clearly articulate about their emotions and desires.  But, I do on occasion “click” with some people.  Here is a story…

I was invited out last night.  When I arrived, I was the only guy there! Amidst 8 very smart, pretty girls (women) from my department, I sat.  The lone dude.  It was nice, obviously.

Earlier, before I had gone out, I had a great meditation.  I was locked in to the sensations within my body, the emotions within and through out.  My awareness was expansive and inwardly.  I felt energized.  But, coming in to this situation, seeing all of these girls there at once, and me the only guy, it threw me off my focus a bit.  So, the rest of the evening, as we all sat there having a few drinks and chatting it up, I kept retreating into my head attempting to refocus on my task at hand: to listen through to core desires.

Here we go…

See, the girls I spoke to were open enough, they shared stories about their adventures.  One girl in particular was very open about her struggles in “gaining credibility” in her job (important for teachers).  She shared how she was moved to develop her skill in teaching after receiving some critical feedback.  Her passion and desire were very clearly on display in that moment.  She wants to be better than average.  She even said as much.  Average is not good enough for this powerful chick.  I kept listening to her as she continued.  She shared how she pushed through that early set back and took a more personally assertive approach, incorporating more of her own passion and desires into her work.  She was so clearly articulate about this.  I was surprised to find that she felt a bit of…um…let’s call it guilt, for taking what may be a more selfish approach to her work.  I shared with her my own experience with something similar.  I supported what she had done, that is, her more selfish approach and even told her why.  Her response? Her body softened, she gave a smile, and she thanked me with a sense of relief.  See, I gave her the space to be who she wants to be.  She had been feeling a bit like she should not have taking this more selfish approach feeling the pressure of profession expectations of what others were doing.  But here she was taking a stand for herself in her calling and  work.  I appreciated that, and I told her so.  She was thankful that I had.  We connected.

This is was a great moment.  It was followed by yet another, as another girl shared her stories of world travels.  I was fascinated.  With her, I simply listened to.  I had a hard time refocusing for some reason.  But, just as when meditating the mind wanders, so to in this moment did my focus fall off from my attempt to “listen through” to desires.  But, I was fine with that.  It happens.  That did not take away from our interaction.  It was as it was, and it was pleasant.

Despite these experiences this week, however, I’m still not quite “scratching that itch” of connection that is deep within me.  Tonight, I plan on going out again. Let’s see if I can scratch that itch…   Stay tuned for an end of the week wrap up…