Election Day Disappointment

The 2016 election results were a shock for many people who had been led to believe that Hilary Clinton would win in a landslide.

The media has chronicled the protests, the tears, and the disillusion of a number of people, referring to the days after as a “National Mourning.”

The results of an election feel completely out of your own sphere of control.

Though you can control the act of voting, the way you campaign for/to other people, or how you inform yourself on the issues and candidates, you do not control the results of the election.

Your disappointment.  Your sadness.  Your feelings of loss.  Your feelings of anger or frustration.  These may very well be justified, and you have good reasons for feeling the way you do.

Dealing with Election Day Disappointment in 2 Steps

How you feel is important.  Feelings are for feeling.  But there is something deeper than feelings — experiences.

Experiences are the physical sensations that come from how you perceive yourself in relation to the world and others around you.

At the core of many negative experiences is a very simple principle.

When your current experience of what is going on aligns with the outcome you desired, then you’ll feel a positive sensation.

On the other hand, when your current experience of what is going on fails to align with the outcome you desired, then you’ll feel a negative sensation.

It’s that simple.

The most effective way to deal with election day disappointment is to redirect your attention from what has happened to what you can and will do to align your current experience with your desired experience.

In this post, I offer a simple 2 step guide for dealing with your election day disappointment that helps you align your current and desired experience.

Step One: Find the Core Experience at the Heart of Your Disappointment

You can find the core experience at the heart of your disappointment by simply imagining what your desired outcome for the election.

Do this now.

Think about how you wanted that election night to go.  What was the specific outcome you imagined, not just the results, but the whole evening, the morning after, the conversations you would have your friends and family or at work, the way your drive to work would feel the next day, and so on.

Really allow yourself to imagine the details.

Now, based on this imagined ideal outcome, what would that have been like for you?

How would you have felt? Resist simply saying “good” or “happy,” really try to find words that describe a more general experience.

Some words that you might use are: Empowered, Connected, Validated, Significant, Fulfilled, Excited, Free.

This is your desired experience — the experience that you are currently unable to experience.

Step Two: Identify Ways for Experiencing Your Desired Experience

Recall your desired experience.   Let’s say you desired to feel empowered, then your current experience is to feel powerless.

Let’s say you desired to feel connected or significance, then your current experience is to feel disconnected and irrelevant.

Is focusing on sensations of loss, frustration, or disappointment helping you achieve your desired experience of feeling powerful or connection, or significance?

What would be a more effective, and fulfilling way to experience power, or connection, or significance?

What if instead of trying to experience connection by defriending people you disagree with, or posting your frustration on Facebook, you experienced connection through organizing a group of people you agree for a dinner?

What if instead of trying to experience power by drinking a tall whisky whilst shouting at the injustices in the world, you experience power by taking control your reality and getting out an meeting with your friends to talk and hug?

What if instead of trying to experience significance by voting for the person you think will represent the policies and issues that matter to you, you volunteer to campaign for, or help, those people directly through your own actions?

Knowing your unique mechanisms for creating empowering experiences, connecting experiences, or experiences of significance is vital to aligning your current and desired experiences in ways that maximize your sphere of control.

If you’d like help developing this skill, sign up for coaching below!

Handling Thoughts about the Election

Now that you know the core experience at the heart of your disappointment, your desired experience, and how you can achieve this experience in a way that puts you in control, you will need to be able to remain focused on your desired experience when thoughts about the election flood into your mind.

The election results were painful.  And you are likely to have worries, fears, and thoughts about the future.  You may be watching news reports about protests, hate crimes, and violence, which will only serve to feed your disappointments and fear.

This is very distracting.

Meditation is a useful solution you can use to help develop the ability to remain focused on taking the actions necessary for creating your desired experience amidst distractions.

A simple way to begin developing this skill is to try a guided meditation.

Meditation Oasis has a great podcast series of free guided meditations you can use to help you get started.  I recommend the Breath Awareness Meditation.

If you’d like to learn more about a meditation progression to develop a disciplined focus, or would like help finding your unique mechanisms for achieving power, connection, or significance, sign up for a free coaching assessment!

If you follow these two steps, you can begin the process of aligning your current experience with your desired experience.