Authenticity
The bottom line: Authenticity should not and cannot be accessed from the outside. In no way can authenticity be evaluated by recounting how many cool things you or someone else has, or has done. Nor can it be assessed by how much you or another stands out from a crowd. It’s not about peacocking.
In his book, Selfhood and Authenticity, Corey Anton focuses the idea of authenticity in the existential experience of being always and already absorbed and immersed in a life that is directed towards caring over the world, a life that comes into existence only as indebted to others, a life that is grounded in the freedom to speak of life as more and less than it is, and a life rooted in the pulsations of being an earthly body. And, in the end, the ideal of authenticity comes not as a shallow form of being unique, though it presupposes uniqueness. Nor does the ideal of authenticity come as something that can be purchased or bestowed by one’s involvement in some kind of group, though it can certainly be this too. The final word is that authenticity is about “the quality of effort” one brings to the project of one’s life. What could be more inauthentic, observes Anton, than a pervasive spirit of mediocrity and doing just enough effort to be average? But this is for you personally to judge. It is about living your truth.
I begin with this because I’ve just completed my first week of Be Powerful. And, the last exercise requires that we give voice to “our truth.” And “truth” here means something more than simply “telling it like it is” to others. And, while that is certainly a part of living truth, it is not what it means to “be real.” In my last post I Want to Be Liked , I was struggling to express how I feel bored and how am seeking to find a relationship to save me from the boredom, and how “being real” has been the pathway I am following to source feelings of connection. Here is what I wrote:
As “women” are still the biggest challenge in my life, and under this pathway of boredom, I thus render women responsible for adventure and excitement in my life. I want a woman to save me from boredom. I am turning to everything in my world, its physical content, its relations, and seeing just how REAL I can be in those moments. I take dance lessons, I learn how to ride motorcycles, I apologize to my father, I work hard at work, I go out by myself, I push myself to do all sorts of things in spite of all my feelings of unreadiness, I live my edge. And yet, its like I’m considering “acting” as enough to qualify as being “real.” Being real means much more than this, much more than just giving expression to what I am feeling…it takes 100% effort. In other words, rather then seeing how many people I can be honest with, and in what uncomfortable situations I can get myself into, I’d much rather have the feelings of power and connection I am seeking in those situations be sourced sheerly on how much effort I give to those situations.
I state that “being real” is much more than just acting on my desires, though it includes doing so. I also state that being real requires 100% effort. What I did not realize until this week’s Be Powerful was that the “much more” of being real is %100 effort, but effort of a particular kind. The hard work and effort is to always direct my focus away from external measures of authenticity and towards the “quality of my effort” in the pursuit of what I feel is “right” in the moment. The 100% effort is about how well I respond to the world and others, not how well others and the world respond to me. It is how well I give myself the opportunity to feel the experience of power and connection that comes from giving 100% effort to living towards my own vision of my life and the world, and not about wanting to get a “cookie” from the world.
Another way to think of it is: COOKIES ARE MINE TO GIVE! What matters most is the effort of directing my focus inward towards the quality of my pursuit, of how well I can respond to my ownmost moments of decision and to creating a life that is worth living for the world, others, and myself. Sometimes it’s OK to hold one’s tongue and not say what the hell you are feeling or thinking, if I deem it right for the moment. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer once observed, (paraphrasing here): “‘telling the truth’ means taking account of one’s relationships in the moment.” All manner of everyday interactions are densely thick with “protective” rituals of interacting that are designed for purposes of showing respect and regard for others, for behaving with decorum, politeness, and even deference. Those who would give 100% effort in their response, are those who would play these parts with unparalleled good humor, savvy, and even grace. But these qualities are not for anyone to “claim”…it is not, as I tried to express in my last post, about seeking “cookies,” or claiming one’s “authenticity.” As Erving Goffman once commented (paraphrasing again), “never claim for yourself what others would willing grant.” Authenticity is living my truth and remaining focused on how well I, personally, respond to living up to my own vocally endorsed values, values that only I can bring to life through the quality of my efforts. (BTW, Could there be any better idea of “freedom”? Indeed: The Future of Freedom) This might be the very meaning of Gandhi’s: “Be the change in the world you seek.” There is a kind of heroism in attempting to live with a more internal focus, rather than an external one.
So what is my truth, that which will direct my focus, my 100% effort?
Stay tuned…this is a big question…I can tell you it does not involve wanting cookies!