Fumbles Into Assets
…I think we all know what a fumble is, right? In good ole American Football, if a player loses possession of the ball, well…it’s a fumble. Generally, it’s a unfortunate thing, like stumbling on the sidewalk in front of pretty girls or somehow managing to turn all your underwear pink in the wash. (By the way, this is why I now only wear black skivvies)
Ok…on to the story…
So I’ve really begun to pay close attention to the moments of my life when I feel a negative emotion. And, right on cue, each time I experience some negative emotion it is because I feel either powerless or disconnected. Every time! Moreover, when I feel this negative emotion I’ve also become more aware of the pathway I am using to fulfill my purpose in that moment, that is, my core purpose of power and connection. And, right on cue, each time I experience some negative emotion it is because I have made the external world or others responsible for my fulfillment.
It happens very sneaky-like too.
For instance, today I attended salsa dancing lessons. At the end of class someone announces that they will be going to a night club that has salsa dancing on Saturday night. Me and my partner were actually already planning on going to that same club this weekend as well, and so we thought it would be great to coordinate with the others. Then, these same people (who we do not really know, except from class) mentioned having a “pre-game” get together before they plan on going out to the night club. My partner literally jumped at the opportunity to invite herself to said pre-game, which was totally cool because, well, they announced this pre-game idea to everyone in class. So, it was not like she was imposing in any way. Well, she turns to me and looks at me as if to say, “you are going to right?” Now, mind you, I never expressed interest in this “pre-game” thing. I was cool meeting up with these other people at the club, but pre-gaming? Not so much. But, in the hectic moment of when all this went down, I found myself simply getting caught up in the inertia of the moment, and I agreed to go to the pre-game. As soon as I agreed, I could feel a part of me die a little bit. I just knew that I sold myself out, that I agreed to go out to please others, to please my partner. In short, I wanted to feel connected (to be a part of the group) and the pathway I took in this instance was “get” this by hiding my own real impressions and desires.
Shortly after that moment, I just got all frustrated with myself because I had let other people control my decision. Later on in the afternoon, I thought back upon this and felt a bit of amusement. I recognized that my old habits are still there, always lurking, those habits that are born of a lifetime of attempting to control the external world and avoid the pain of loneliness through differing to the desires of others (if for not other reason than because I wanted to avoid the feeling of not being liked). That some part of me agreed in that moment to do something I had no real desire to do because I simply did not want to be disliked, to be the one who is the “party pooper.” I want to be liked, and in that moment, the pathway I chose was to hide how I really felt.
Ok…so I have Fumbled. Now what?
Well, now I’m committed. So, how can I turn this into an asset of some kind? How can I take this situation and make it work for me, to get me back on track to creating the life I want through a pathway of my own actions? Simple. Go to the pre-game. I already did not want to go, so what a better opportunity to push through doing something I’d rather not do than to go through it. And, moreover, to do so with 100% effort and attention, to really try to be open and honest and just have fun with it through DOING. By pushing through this situation that I had rather not have committed to, I work towards proving to myself that I can push through uncomfortable situations. By doing this, I am now back on track to creating the life I desire because now I OWN this decision.
I may have not decided to attend this “pre-game” on my own, but damn if I have not now decided to own this fully and make it work for me through DOING. The important part is that I am pushing through something uncomfortable, something I’d rather not be doing. And, even more important, is that I am now doing so on my own terms, thus transforming what was a Fumble into an asset and, actually, now into something that I actually look forward to attending. I look forward to a hell of a awkward “pre-game” and the feelings of discomfort that await me there because each moment will be a challenge worth meeting…suddenly it no longer matters how I arrived at attending this “pre-game,” but now what matters is that I respond like the man I hope to be.