Ninja Thwack!
A Ninja Thwack occurs when you have the sudden realization that you’ve transformed your experience of life in some way, usually by taking some kind of action. What follows are two recent examples of Ninja Thwacks.
Here we go…
Thwack One
I’ve written before about the AI Ninjas when I wrote about starting my path towards better listening. Since that time, I’ve continued to explore how deeply I can feel through someone while they speak. At times this makes listening for content (i.e., their actual words) a bit difficult. In fact, recently I met a girl. She shared her experiences of traveling around the world. I was fascinated by the passion with which she spoke about her travels. I allowed myself to feel her excitement as she spoke. It was as if I myself had traversed upon those world travels. I could feel her amazement at the world and the insight that brought a slight disenchantment with our own culture in comparison. As far as I was concerned, I was getting to know her as a sensing and feeling person and not simply a collection of stories and content, qualities that can be remembered. In fact, as we continued to talk later that evening she asked if I would like to join her for a run. “Sure,” I said, as I reached for my phone to get her number. At that point, despite the fact that we had been speaking for a considerable length of time and sharing stories, I could not remember her name. So I asked her.
You should’ve seen the reaction on her body and face! She was shattered! It was as if the vibe and connection that was radiant simply burned out and the room darkened. She was offended. She told me so. I felt a bit of embarrassment as well, for a moment. But I realized in that moment that I had been lost in her emotional expressions, listening not for content but for feelings. Her name was one single moment at the very start of our interaction, during the time that normal introductions occur. At those early stages of meeting someone, what use have I for their name? Names stand for people. Without connecting with someone what use is a name? To whom might this name be relevant when no “whom” has been experienced for which that name might stand out as HER name? Does this make sense? Well, it does to me. And so I explained this to her. She understood my attempt at explanation as an attempt to “save face” in the moment and generate some excuse for my forgetting her name. So she says, “That’s Bullshit! It’s offensive to me that you do not know my name.” I simply replied, “Well, I’m sorry, but that is how I feel and what I think. If it does not work for you, that’s cool. I completely understand how you feel. Remembering names is a very important thing in our culture. For me, names just are not as relevant as is my experience of you as a person. But, that’s just how I roll.” She was still noticeably upset.
We did go on that run later in the week. And we did talk once again about that moment, this time with a bit more humor. She also had more time to experience me and understand perhaps that I was not simply giving her a line in an attempt to “save face.” It’s just me. I have a very bad memory for details like names, especially if the other person is someone interesting enough to experience wholly and completely by listening through their stories to the underlying emotions, attitudes, desires, and values expressed in the sheer expression. We had a good run and chat as we ran.
The AI Ninja thawck is what happens when you have a sudden realization that you’ve transformed some aspect of your life but never really realized it until you’ve taken some action. The above story demonstrated to me that I’ve come a long way when it comes to listening. While I cannot make claim that I am better at the most “common” form of listening, that is, listening for content, I was surprised to have gotten so much better at the extra-ordinary practice of “listening through” and allowing myself to feel the emotions of others as they speak. And, well, I’m not in to being ordinary, so this will more than gladly do. So….THWACK!
Another Thwack
…I recently experienced something brand new. I had an experience that had lasting effect for hours afterwards. I spoke with a girl. This girl is richly expressive and has worked hard to become so. She speaks with the wisdom of hard won insights. Listening through her at times even feels like a journey inward into my own depths. She has an insatiable desire for knowledge and experience. She is powerfully free. She smiles as she speaks. She is also very sexy, like sensually sexy… I mean seriously the way she talks about things, how she questions, how she reasons, it is all just remarkably hot. All this and physically she is just my type.
We sat on an unassuming porch, on campus. She picked my brain for bit and I picked hers. We connected deeply at the heart of core desires: respect for the freedom of others and oneself, and the urge to share this freedom with others, and even a shared sense of yearning for a kind of fame. We share a respect for travel. We share a respect for the sexual nature of being human. We share a respect for those among us who can articulate deeper truths about life and self. Together we often riff off of one another with ease. A bit of teasing, here and there. We craft stories on the fly and humor is always just beneath the surface.
I sat back and listened through her and a Ninja Thwack occurred! I’ve never felt so deeply emotionally attuned to a girl that I have yet to really get to know in a sustained way. Our meetings are only by chance, as neither herself nor I have a desire to possess the other. Our encounters are by chance. She simply appears where I happen to be walking. Or I appear where she happens to be shopping. You get the idea. As I sat there listening to her, and at one point simply being silent and feeling her presence (building tension), it was as if I had found a whole other level of being present with another person. The feeling was INTENSE. I felt my whole body awaken with energy. It was not pride or confidence. It was an awareness of the moment, completely and fully. I was lost in her eyes, the sound of her voice, her scent. As she spoke, I heard nothing but felt everything. If we joke or tease or be silly, its as if there is a dance happening. It releases all this tension and simply builds upon a solid base of shared core desires. I guess another word would be “trust.”
I had no idea that connecting with women could feel this way. The feelings lasted for hours after our encounter. Over 20 years of dating girls and this is the first time that I’ve gotten out of my own way to simply feel them. The experience is transformative to be sure. And now, having experienced this deep connection, this Ninja Thwack, I look forward to even more of these kinds of connection with women. I look forward to meeting more fun, open, and expressive women with the courage to be extra-ordinary and connect at deeper levels. Humor and fun, silliness, and superficiality will all be there, but made so much more fun when there is a tacitly shared connection that comes from a deeper “silent level” …beyond words.
Both of these moments were surprising. I experienced a sudden realization that all the work I’ve put in every part of my life to be more real and pursuing my own truth is paying off…
I look forward to more Ninja Thwacks…